TRUST....why is it so damn hard?

[DorothyL]

Trusting issues and jealousy basically go hand in hand.
When you do not trust in your own self as to how unique and important you are....you immediately feel less than and with that, insecurities rise up and jealousy is born. A true symptom of a lack of trust in yourself!
The only way to trust easily is to let yourself do so. It is easy once you understand why you are finding it so damn hard.

We are creatures of habit....habits are repetitive thoughts or actions that we fall into immediately because they are the last stored file in our thought patterns which end up being in the forefront of our brain. What this means is that the last thought or reaction stored will be the first one used when your emotions begin to rise in either a negative or positive response.

Habits are something that I talk about all of the time.
'Habit' is a very small word which carries so much reality and control over our positive and negative reactions and thoughts. The word 'habit' is also difficult to accept as what causes people to stay stuck in jealousy or insecure emotional traps.
It takes at least 14 days to break a habit, according to the latest researchers.
Now when I say that, I mean 14 days of consistent behavior, repeated over and over on the same subject matter.
That is why breaking an emotional habit is difficult. We do not run into fears and threats in a consistent manner.
We basically have to discipline ourselves into a self-talk therapy every day whether we are actually challenged with one of our fears or not. In doing this we must be prepared for 14 days of feeling very much on an emotional roller-coaster. This is exactly why so many people go to therapists for support in breaking negative emotional habits. It is not a simple task.
Silly analogy here but it seems to fit...think of a habit as pulling an end of a plastic electrical tie through its lock and then trying to pull it back. A very tough thing to accomplish, unless you work at it and stay committed to see it through to the end. It is not impossible but it is very challenging for most people.

We are still searching for the answers to questions such as....
Why is it so damn hard to trust?
Why is it so hard to feel good about yourself and your relationship any time and anywhere?

It is more so that, somewhere along the line you have fallen into a belief that you are not worthy of that relationship and you are in fear that at any second someone else will take over and replace you. Hence a low self-esteem or self-worth!

Trust is not about what another person may or may not do to you or that they observe another.

It is about:
- how safe you feel, being who you are.
- why you put yourself down.
- why you instantly compare yourself to another.
- why you feel the need immediately find a flaw in another that you feel threatened by.
- why your insides tighten and twist so that you find it hard to breathe at times.
- why you cannot accept a compliment at face value.
-why you look in the mirror and hate who you see.

Trust is all about YOU!

In order to battle and overcome one's insecurities in life,:
-you must feel secure in who you are and accept who you are.
-you must stop wanting to change what you cannot.
-you must learn to appreciate every little thing about who you are.
-you must focus on loving who you are.
-you must want to be happy about who you are.
-you must realize that every second that you dwell on unhappy thoughts...is life being wasted.
-you must learn that trust inside of you>

To be able to trust another and feel secure in a relationship...you must accept you, right now, this second.
Accepting who you are and allowing that thought to determine your life will in turn give you peace of mind.
You cannot control what another person is going to do, so why waste another second trying to through your own thoughts.
Accept that you are you and your partner is your partner.

Here are two very good thoughts to keep as your daily inspirations..

"To be Wronged is Nothing unless You continue to Remember It!"
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are!"

Remember...trust comes from within your own thoughts and self-acceptance.
Strengthen those and your life will be what it is meant to be and that is free of chaos and doubt!!


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[DorothyL]

Hey Richard
That is all part & parcel to being educated in ones own self in regards to who they are so that they can measure a compatible partner.
Love is a wolf in sheep's clothing. 'Love is blond" is one of the strongest and spot on sayings that I know.
People say it in jest and never really stop to understand the potency of its true meaning.
'Patience is a virtue' is another...if we only had the patience to sit back and take a look at the bigger picture of what the word, 'commitment' really means...I believe we would have more successful and selfless relationships.
Then we have the generation gaps, two generations wedged so wide apart due to the speed and advancement in technology in the past 5 years......pornography at the tip of our fingers, which brings to anyone that has ever wondered about stepping over that fine line of reality as opposed to fantasy!
How will we ever survive.
I have heard so many women cry out for help because their partners no longer want nor need to see them nude, admire them or desire them due to the amount of nudity and pornography available to them. They are fulfilled by another means and one that is not of reality. How sad is that.
So we are left to search in our minds to find a place where we can learn a balance in accepting what we cannot change. Gosh...I am beginning an article here.
In any event...I feel that it is vital for us all to secure our own little corners of our world that we can control somewhat!
~D~

[Richard Payne]

Thanks Dorothy. If I may, let me start with the end of your comment and work backwards. You're right Dorothy, people have sold their souls and more for money. I don't want to get political, but even our present war is there because of oil and big business. All smoke and mirrors with people paying the price. I can understand your sadness Dorothy ....... it is sad. But you know, I think the emotion thats missing, is anger. Not rage, that clouds the mind. But damn good old fashion anger. Part of the reason that people (especially women) I think are afraid to say no or disagree with someone is they are lonely. I think they mix up love with being alone. How often have you heard a women say they "love" the Dud that they've met 3o mintes ago. Then they start dating him and he treats her like dirt. I know that 4 letter word is hard to define, but it's used too loosely today. And then there is the difference between "love" and "being in love" and "unconditinal love". There is a saying that goes something like this....."No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them". I know that if you've been conditioned to be a no one, it's very hard to be anything else. But I also believe we have eyes and a brain. If we're not happy, we can at least take a few steps forward and see how the other half lives. It won't change the conditioning, but it could or can lead us to help. Now I think perhaps a large part of these negitive thoughts are directly from what fathers don't do for their daughters. It's always a great responsibility to bring up a child. What a mother can't do for a daughter is be a father. He is her role model of what to expect in a future partner, so if he loves his daughter and doesn't want her hurt, he better do a good job. He can also help her have a positive image, be there for her to discuss her future career and a differcult one, because guys are wired differently, be there to discuss issues and let her vent her emotions. Women should bear that in mind when looking for a "life partner". It's great to have a "hunk" with you, but if he's a no show as a father, he's not worth it.

Richard

[DorothyL]

Hello Richard and thank you so much for your response to my thoughts. I do believe that my most recent blog will address some of your questions. I do feel that technology has changed the morals and standards of basic thought, lifestyle and selfless attitudes. In short...so much of why our relationships and families as we new them have fallen and become secondary on so many priority lists. It is very sad when you see women being demoralized at will because they feel that is the way to equality or even more so a certain type of unconditional love. We also have the profit factor that has done a lot of damage in regards to ones standard and self respect. People have sold their self respect and their souls.. money seems to be of a higher value than life these days and that makes me cry......these are my thoughts!
~D~

[Richard Payne]

Hi Dorothy. I feel the issues you are speaking about, are becoming more common these days. Was it just as common say 30-50 or more years ago? Is it because we really don't have that net of people that we can relie on any more? Is it because we are not thinking for ourselves? We can be in a relationshp or live in a large city and sill feel alone. Hi tech hasn't helped ...... we just wear ourselves out trying to do more. Is this a factor? Most people are stressed today .... is this also a factor? Is it because life in general is less focused today? My grandparents and parents never seemed to experience this. Was it because they were too busy. All the males went to war, Boar war, ww1 and ww11. and yet injured or not, came back and took up where they left off. The females had to do everything on the home front and also worried that if their man did not return, they would live the rest of their lives poor. Heavy stuff ...... Yet they went on. They weren't poor but they always had to be carefull. No government to fall back on in those days. Maybe that's a factor today. Even though the middle class is almost non existant today, there is money. Anyone is only important if they have the lastest "Gadgets". Not who they are, or how smart they are, but what they have. Is that part of it? OH, then there is the Drug issue. Can you think or feel good when you're using drugs to solve your problems? Comments please

Richard