Anger and Hurt; another lonely place!

[DorothyL]

Being human can really be challenging, to say the least. We feel emotions with every breath we take, every move we make. Some emotions are so sweet that we never want to lose that feeling. Other emotions cause us so much anger and hurt that we are paralyzed with pain.

Our minds use anger as a memory of a hurt that we have experienced. The memory is usually due to the fact that we neglected to express our hurt at the time for one reason or another. We tend to not show our anger or hurt because we do not want to cause a conflict or hurt another's feelings or ever admit those feelings. We also hang onto it because once we actually show we are angered, we are showing we are not perfect and that in fact we are human and can feel pain.

But if we continue to push away our feelings to protect our perfect selves, we become less real and less connected to people in our lives, without even realizing how far we are pushing them away.

Protecting another person from our hurts or anger is only imprisoning ourselves, so that they will never be able to reach us. If we do this long enough we cannot find happiness anywhere. When we are questioned why we are upset, we can not even find the beginning to the hurt we have hidden. The longer we hide our hurts and anger the more confusing they become. Things get all tangled up and if we dare try to explain, we are totally speaking another language.

Have you ever been hurt by someone and then they make it impossible for you to explain why you are angered? Those people can do a lot of damage, they are controllers. When you can identify that type of person, only then can you fight back and tell them, "please just shut up and listen". If you want to be unhappy then keep hanging onto that hurt. It will definitely drag your self-esteem down to the bottom.

Hurt is a pain of the moment and it is happening right now. Its reason is right there in front of you. You must deal with it or you will only hide it and end up alone in your prison of loneliness. The longer you hold back, the more angry you become with you, for not acting out. That's when guilt moves right on in and takes over, making you want to get even with that person. Your negative thoughts are seeded now and nothing feels good. Is this a good thing? NOT!!!

It is definitely not easy to risk being called oversensitive, told that you are just causing a fight, or they just laugh you off like you are a child. You may even find that this person does not really care about you. Better to find that out asap, don`t you think?

These FEELINGS of hurt and anger have a way of taking over our lives. Is it not better to let it out now rather than to live in an unhappy life of silence? Tell someone how you feel, when you feel it, or you will only lock those FEELINGS up inside you and trust me, you will lose yourself.

You may even hurt the one you love, but honesty is the best way. I believe that with a true love you should be able to tell that person anything and yes even if you feel hurt or angered by them.

Love conquers anger and hurt. It battles jealousy and helps lift you to a higher self-esteem!

To be truly happy and not endure the prisons of negative emotions, we need to be heard. We need to be understood. We need to be forgiven. We also need to be loved and cared for.

We need to set our selves free!

And my sweet readers, on that note, I will leave you with another tip to strengthen your courage which will help you to keep climbing that mountain to a better you!

Take responsibility for your life. You have the power to make things better.
And most importantly, you have a choice!

DorothyL
www.womensselfesteem.com

[DorothyL]

Thank you so much for your view on the photo.
As you said..'an observation from a man's point of view'
The actual message that I see in that photo is loneliness, sadness and yes , an appearance of nakedness which also emphasizes a feeling when one is so alone & locked in a prison of anger & hurt. The colors on the wall beside her also set the mood for loneliness...a place where anger & hurt will take you if you allow it to control your thoughts.

The women being white....should not be questionable at all. The photo is not there to attract anyone...it is to enhance the mood of the message in my article. By the way it is not a video.
Again thank you for your comment.
~D~

[Adam Gottstein]

Just a quick commentary. I wholly support all efforts to save lives, end domestic violence, restore dignity to battered women and create thriving environments for women to get their lives back on track.

I do question however, the photo of a nude (slim, white, attractive) woman to draw attention to this video. It seems to further the objectification of women, merely to get someone's attention. Just a passing observation from this man's point of view.

[Richard Payne]

Yes, as Dr. T mentioned..... well said. But how does not being able to say "NO" to someone compare to not being able to show your "ANGER". I can't speak for others, but I find the average person today cannot say NO. Now if you hold your anger, or not say no to someone, then I think you are opening a door for further repetition of the same situation. Now maybe I am coming from a different direction because of what I do for a living.........that is sales/marketing. I have been trained to detect through bady language, facial expressions, eye contact (or lack of it), the change in the tone of a voice and other so called signs or levels of interest or lack of interest that everyone gives without realizing it. I know when to continue with a sale pitch to close it, and when to back off and reevaluate their level of interest and why they are giving me the secret NO without actually saying no. Now in a sales situation ,all that I have said has to be accomplished within seconds or everything will fall apart. Again because I am in sales, I am not wounded when someone says no to me. I am just as used to the no's as I am used to the yes(s). Even in a yes situation, I may attempt to get someone to say no if I feel that they are saying yes, but the sale is not solid.

Now in my personal life (maybe because of sales) I will say no to something if I do not agree to what is being said. I am not afraid to say no, because the other person is doing something I don't like and therefore if they are "hurt" ........ then I feel they have put themselves in that position. Their problem not mine. The same goes for anger. I have four levels that cover that situation. 1/ I tell the person to stop whatever they are doing to me in a polite but firm way. If that doen't work, step 2/ is used. This approach is less polite and begins to show my anger to what they are doing. If they are to too stupid (because they have to be at this point) in step 3/ I will not be polite at all and they will know that I am really very angery. Step 4/ I do not like to go to. That's when I will cut them off and out of my life and they will be non existant to me.

There is a reason for me to be so long winded. I am by nature a shy person. Most people that know me would disagree with that statement, but it is true. I had to learn be appear to be an extrovert. If I hadn't, then I felt I could be a victim. I read a long time ago, that to be a victim, you have to allow yourself to be a victim. I chose not to allow anyone to make me a victim. Did it happen over night....... no. It took me a long time to overcome my shyness and have what I call "a surviver mind set". Today, I feel very comfortable and resigned. When I was shy, I had a lot of anger that I would never express. With every new event, it would eat me away more and more until I started to have an ulcer. That was the beginning of positive change and a happier life.

Richard

[Ellen Taliaferro, MD aka "DrT"]

Well said! Thanks, Dorothy